***

My friend Mitchel Cohen is writing a book called “The Politix of Pesticides: The Worldwide Fight Against Monsanto’s Glyphosate,” a book about pesticides, including Monsanto’s Round-Up brand of glyphosate, genetically modified food and seeds, and the general perfidy of that multinational monster, Monsanto. He asked some friends to come up with a humorous but accurate SAT-type quiz to help spice up the book. Here was my contribution. In case it is not obvious, the correct answer is always D.

1. Which is NOT a side effect of glyphosate?

A. Destroyed immune system
B. Destruction of the monarch butterfly population
C. Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma
D. Victory of the working people over the running dog capitalist bosses

2. Which one does not belong?

A. Charles Manson
B. John Wayne Gacy
C. Monsanto
D. Santa’s elves

3. Who sponsored a 2016 study that showed that Round-up was harmless?

A. International Agency for Research on Cancer
B. The World Health Organization
C. USA National Cancer Institute
D. Monsanto

4. Monsanto GM seeds led to massive crop failures in which of the following countries:

A: Argentina
B: Brazil
C: India
D. All of the above

5. When Bloomberg Business Week reported that Monsanto scientists were caught heavily involved in organizing, reviewing, and editing drafts submitted by the outside experts of a 2016 study of Round Up, a Monsanto spokesperson responded:

A. “Whoops. My bad.”
B. #Resistance
C. “Look closely at the shiny object. You are getting sleepy…”
D. “We were only involved in copy-editing.”

6. Which of the following were former Monsanto officers or attorneys:

A. Earle H. Harbison Jr., Central Intelligence Agency Deputy Director
B. Michael A. Friedman, MD—FDA deputy commissioner.
C. Clarence Thomas, Supreme Court Justice who wrote the majority opinion in J. E. M. Ag Supply, Inc. v. Pioneer Hi-Bred International, Inc. finding that “newly developed plant breeds are patentable under the general utility patent laws of the United States.”
D. All of the above

7. In a 2009 study by Covalence of the ethics of 581 corporations, which corporation was measured as the least ethical:

A. Big Bob’s Used Cars
B. Moe and Joe’s Hit Man Service
C. Kayaks R Us
D. Monsanto

8. Complete the Analogy.

Food is to GM food as:

A. Butter is to “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter”
B. Boxing is to Wrestling
C. Pete Seeger is to Milli Vanilli
D. All of the above

9. The use of GMOs results in

A. Bisexuality
B. Trilateralism
C. Quadrophenia
D. Monoculture

10.. Which of the following is currently the lead article on Monsanto’s website:

A. “Workers of the World Unite”
B. “To Serve Man”
C. “You Can Take The People Out of Their Jeans, But You Can’t Take The Genes Out of the People”
D. “Driving Innovation in Modern Agriculture to Combat Climate Change”