“I’m the only one on the stage who…” — Wednesday, 2/19, Joe Biden, Michael Bloomberg, Pete Buttigieg, Amy Klobachar, Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren
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(With a tip of the hat to masercot)

“I’m the only one on the stage who has mudwrestled with a ferret.”

“I’m the only on the stage who has chopped down all the trees west of the Mississippi with Babe, The Giant Blue Ox.”

“I’m the only one on the stage who doesn’t give a crap that I took three tabs of LSD ten minutes ago.”

“I’m the only on the stage who speaks nightly with Elvis.”

“What are you talking about?! I’m the guy who passed the Silly Walks Amendment.”

“I’m the only one on the stage who played Mah Jong with Barack Obama.”

“I’m the only one on the stage who isn’t on the stage.”

“I’m the only one on the stage who is wearing three jock straps.”

“I’m the only on the stage who’s wearing two clown shoes—on each foot.”

“A little girl in 1850 jumped on a train, took dead aim, and shot Jesse James. That little girl was me.”

“I’m the only one on the stage with an outty belly button.”

“I’m the only one on the stage with a dead body in my refrigerator.”

“I’m the only one on the stage lip -synching the whole debate.”

“I’m the only one on the stage who’s a graduate of the DeVry Institute.”

“I’m the only one on the stage, Chuck, who has undergone nasal irrigation.”

“I’m the only one on the stage who’s playing a kazoo.”

“I’m the only one on the stage with a banana in my ear.”

“I’m the only one on the stage who is wearing a mustache made of yak hair.”

“I’m the only one on the stage who’s speaking in Klingon.”

“Socks keep falling down whenever you limbo? I’ve got a plan for that.”

“I’m the only one on the stage who’s a Siamese twin.”

“I’m the only one on the stage who’s having open heart surgery performed on me as we speak.”

“I’m the only one on the stage who can open a bottle of Perrier with my teeth.”

“I’m the only one on the stage who can beat Donald Trump at Chinese Checkers.”

“A little girl in the year 2050, donned her jet pack and flew to the moon. That little girl was me.”

“I’m the only one on the stage who is hopping on a pogo stick.”

“I’m the only one on the stage who’s done the hokey-pokey with Martin Luther King.”

“I’m the only one on the stage who sleeps in jammies with built-in feet.”

“I’m the only one on the stage who has Borscht dribbling down his chest.”

“Let me be perfectly clear: no one should have to choose between slaughtering a porcupine and caressing a weasel.”