Weird Al Yankovic with his hilarious song about unwanted forwards. And hey–I think I spotted myself at 1:43 to 1:50, especially since this video was first posted in 2011. Thanks, Al!
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More at alyankovic
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Despite the President’s use of the F-bomb Friday on the Limbaugh radio show, we here at ShalBlog® Industries have long taken heed of the fines and the sanctions that can be imposed on a broadcaster who allows the use of any of The Seven Dirty Words on the air, an FCC ruling which was upheld against WBAI by the Supreme Court in 1978.
As a constant reminder of the Seven Dirty Words to staff, the Second Executive Vice-President For Communications and Signage at ShalBlog® Industries has taken swift action to post the proper signage in ShalBlog® Radio’s Master Control room.
We thank him for his foresight and swift action.
I don’t ever post anonymous Facebook memes on this blog, but desperate times require desperate measures. I don’t think anything else quite captures it.
Actor John Hurt speaks more sense than any three politicians in the last four days.
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Thanks to YouTuber Darrell McDaniel
There’s an old magicians’ dictum that if you want to hide the secret to a magic trick, print it in a book. That probably goes double for blogs. So after much thought, I’ve decided to reveal in this blog the secret of one of the world’s most perplexing problems. Probably no one else will ever bother to read this, so the secret’s safe just between the two of us.
As far as I know, I’m the first and only one to crack this particular code. It wasn’t as if it hadn’t been tackled before, Lord knows. There have been dozens of hare-brained schemes, some of which may have even sounded logical and promising at first. But none of them stood the acid test of successful experiment. All other solutions faded, like a mirage that shimmers on the desert’s dust. Only my solution remained.
I would like to claim that the answer came to me in a flash of blinding light, or in a dream, or perhaps was whispered to me by some Holy Man at the end of a long and perilous mountain climb. But I would be indulging in romantic fantasy were I to maintain such. No, the truth, as it so often is, was more mundane, grittier, sweatier. As Thomas Edison so aptly said, genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. How true that was. So Herculean were my efforts, I could have used a whole barrelful of deodorant.
It would be, perhaps, foolish to proclaim myself a genius. The word is bandied about so freely and carelessly in this present slipshod generation, so much so, as to almost lose all sense and meaning of the word. And yet in this one instance, in this one happenstance, it would be, perhaps, false modesty and a dereliction of the historical record to downplay my achievement. Through constant toil, testing, tedious trial and error, sleepless nights, days when my bones cried out for rest, still I continued on, persevering against the greatest of odds, first trying this, then trying that. Over and over and over again.
All for the trivial avocado, you say? Nay, a thousand times nay. And no. For humankind I say, for our children, and our children’s children, and for their descendants everlasting. And perhaps, too, for the ancestors, who now smiling down upon us, may rest more easily, knowing that that which had tormented them in their all-too-brief sojourn on this mortal coil, could now, at long last, be put to bed. Rest, rest, perturbed spirits!
One cautiously cuts the avocado in half. Rather than greedily devouring the entire avocado, like the judicious ant and not the profligate grasshopper, one places but one half of Nature’s gift carefully on the plate to enjoy what Mother Earth hath given unto us: one hemisphere of verdant green to eat but then, one hemisphere, equally verdant, to carefully store in some manner.
And here is the crux of the matter: no matter in what way one stores that half globe of delight for a later meal, when one returns to it, it has turned into an unrecognizable foul thing, scarcely of this earth, marred with all manner of mold and rottenness, like a Cabinet member in office for more than two weeks. With the pit or without the pit; in a baggie or exposed to the winds; in the refrigerator or by the hearth; immersed in unnamed secret liquid potions or dried under the heat of diverse planetary suns, the sickening result is still the same: base, blight, decomposition, decay, and heart-rending waste. The Gods mock our pitiable efforts to stop the hands of withering time.
That is, until now. Listen up, guys. Here’s what you do.
Cut the avocado in half, vertically. The pit will be in one side of the avocado. That’s the half you’re going to store. Get yourself some Seventh Generation unbleached recycled paper towels. No, believe me, it’s not going to work with just white paper towels. Forget that Bounty crap. With one sheet, wrap up the half avocado with the pit. Put it in your refrigerator. Eat the other half. Now come back a day later, and if the avocado wasn’t too ripe to begin with, when you go back to your refrigerator and unwrap the half with the pit, you will have a very respectable looking half avocado. Yes, as Mama used to say, God never sends us a problem more than we can handle.
Now go, and godspeed. And wipe that green junk off your lips.
Some sleight of hand from a Turkish ice cream man.
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Brooklyn, New York
A very silly, clever song. Make sure you stay for the end, if you don’t want to be completely confused. Language definitely not suitable for work or the easily offended.
More at thelonelyisland
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Brooklyn, New York
I met Raymond Crowe at the 2019 Genii Convention, and he was an absolute stand-out. He is a man of many talents, and I am sure you will be tremendously pleased with what he does in this clip.
Thanks to Youtuber AwesomeTalent666
You can visit Raymond’s website at raymondcrowe.com and view more of his unusual talents and skills.
Some say magician David Blaine is just regurgitating old material, but he didn’t have to take it so literally. Anyway, come for the announcement of his newest hair-raising stunt, but stay for the cuisses de grenouilles.
Katie Fleming’s pet eclectus parrot, Jasper, demonstrates that he is more intelligent than three-quarters of Congress and seven-eighths of the executive branch. We bow down to Jasper, our new parrot overlord.
More at Katie Fleming
As Congress argues about whether, Please Sir, May We Have More Gruel? let’s not forget about who is really important here.
Riki “Garfunkel” Lindhome and Kate “Oates” Micucci in a dead-on satire of “We Are The World” type celebrity videos.
Warning: Language Not Suitable For Work.
More At: Garfunkel And Oates